Since the publication of Criminal Crafts, I’ve been in a bit of hot water with my mom. This is nothing new. The current bee in her very antique, threadbare bonnet is over how I portrayed her in my book.
Now she’s calling at 3 a.m. ranting about “character defamation” and hinting that my exaggerations are the basis for a very expensive slander lawsuit and her lawyer’s retainer is paid up in full. So, before this whole ugly incident can go into litigation, I’d like to say, in a very public forum. My mother has never been arrested for a crime, actually served time or been convicted of any crime that I am aware of.
However, I still have my suspicions, and until evidence is presented otherwise I’m going to assume the only reason mom isn’t doing time, she’s that good. Good at getting away with it.
Her fanatical cleaning binges are really all about wiping down prints and the whole gardening kick only thinly veils something much darker and deeper which she’s burying in the back yard.
Since she’s got to leave all that stolen loot to someone, I’m staying on her good side and making her something extra special for Mother’s Day, a decoy book with hidden compartment for her hooch. This is a pretty well known and fabulous craft, something which I’ve detailed in the book. If you live in or near Portland Oregon, you can come make one with me. I’ll be leading a series of workshops at a number of Multnomah County libraries and all the supplies and instruction are free. Best of all the 1st class is on Mother’s Day, so you can bring your mom too, if she’s anything like mine, making a cagey cubby to secret her stash is the perfect way to spend the afternoon, beats doing time.